If I were to ask, “What is the greatest life lesson you ever learned from your Mom?” we’d likely all have a different answer. Many of us would have more than one. I would have many. Mothers throughout all of human history have been teaching life lessons to their children that we, in turn, pass on to our own.
One of those lessons is understanding what it means to be human. To be a part of the human species. Why were we put on this earth? Are there rules for being human?
That begs the question…
Is there a universally agreed-upon set of rules for being human?
Unfortunately, the short answer is NO.
Throughout history, different philosophies, religions, and cultures have offered guidance and insight into what it means to be human. Common themes that span the course of human history include principles of empathy, kindness, continuous learning, personal responsibility, and recognition that life’s varied experiences are a learning laboratory.
The ancient Greeks sought to define these rules, focusing on self-examination, emotional control, tranquility, and understanding human nature. Plato famously said that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Epictetus advised focusing on what we can control (our thoughts and actions), while Socrates reminded his students to “Know Thyself.” Aristotle believed a good person should practice courage, justice, temperance, and virtue.
While philosophers throughout history brought their own insights, the rules of being human were never codified. Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott changed that in 1974.
Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott is a New York Times best-selling author, perhaps best known for her iconic work, “If Life is a Game, These Are the Rules.” She is an ICF Master Certified Executive and Life Coach. Dr. Cherie is a behavioral scientist and thought leader who has been affectionately known as “The Mother of Coaching” since 1974. She has appeared on Oprah Winfrey TV, The Today Show, The O’Reilly Factor, CNN, Politically Correct with Bill Maher, and more than 500 radio and TV shows worldwide.
After experiencing a personal crisis in 1974, Dr. Cherie went on a journey of self-discovery. Feeling an overwhelming need to help others, she created a training program to teach people how to go within (the very essence of coaching) to seek the answers to the questions they were asking themselves. The Rules for Being Human came out of this effort, as Dr. Cherie was teaching her signature “Inner Negotiation & Self-Esteem Workshop.”
Participants in the workshops immediately connected with the Rules and started sharing the Rules with others. The list spread widely, often being shared anonymously. The Rules’ popularity led to their inclusion in the bestseller, “Chicken Soup for the Soul,” but without originally attributing the work to Dr. Cherie. Eventually, her authorship was confirmed, and with Jack Canfield’s blessing, she published her own expanded version of the Rules in “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules” in 1998.
The Rules are meant to be a roadmap for personal growth based on four simple premises:
Life is a school: The Rules frame life as an informal learning environment where every experience, including challenges, offers a lesson.
No mistakes, only lessons: The concept emphasizes that growth is a process of trial and error and that there is no true failure, only learning.
Inner wisdom: The rules stress that each individual has the answers they seek within themselves. Self-education has its origins in the Greek word “Educa,” which means to draw from within.
Personal responsibility: By understanding and living by these rules, people are encouraged to take responsibility for their lives and personal growth.
The Rules for Being Human consist of ten essential human truths. Others have adapted these over the years, but ten core human truths are at the heart of Dr. Cherie’s teachings.
1. You will receive a body.
2. You will be presented with lessons.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
5. Learning does not end.
6. “There” is no better than “here.”
7. Others are only mirrors of you.
8. What you make of your life is up to you.
9. Your answers lie inside you.
10. You will forget all this at birth.
I want to lean into a few of these Rules, as they also form the foundation of effective, self-leadership. Remember, we can’t lead others where we ourselves have not yet gone, so the starting point of Black Belt Leadership is learning to lead ourselves well. Only then can we effectively lead others, equipping them as they follow.
Rule #2 says, “You will be presented with lessons.” One of the lessons I’ve taught my children from an early age, a lesson my parents taught me, aligns with this Rule. Every day, the school of life is in session. We are enrolled in this school by default. Every experience, positive or negative, is part of life’s self-designed curriculum.
This Rule reminds us that we should see life as a perpetual center of learning. The goal each day is to extract the lesson from the situations, challenges, and opportunities we face. Life tailors each day’s lesson based on our stage of personal growth and the path we are traversing. The lessons may appear random, but they are orchestrated to help us learn, grow, and improve. This is how we daily become a better version of who we are and what we do.
School is in session every day of our lives. This Rule reminds us that we are receiving insight and instruction daily, whether we’re paying attention to the teacher or not. It doesn’t matter if we like the lessons or not, it’s part of the curriculum that’s intended to help us rise to our full potential.
We are given the OPPORTUNITY to learn, but it is up to us to make the most of it.
Rule #3 says, “There are no mistakes, only lessons.” One of my favorite sayings of my friend and mentor, Dr. John Maxwell, is also the title of one of his books, “Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn.” It’s a not-so-subtle reminder that life is not so much about winning and losing, it’s about learning.
The Chinese philosophy of Yin and Yang reminds us that success and failure are two sides of the same coin. Whether we succeed or fail, there is a learning element lurking in the outcome. Both wins and losses are opportunities to learn, and we often learn more from our failures than our successes.
Henry Ford famously said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” He was reminding us that failure is simply a moment in time, a hurdle, not a wall. This quote also helps us reframe failure as a new chance to start, not an excuse to give up and stop trying. Ford also reminds us that lessons learned allow us to make a more informed attempt, leading to a higher likelihood of success.
Growth is a process of experimentation. Whether we succeed or fail, there’s a lesson to be learned and applied. Over time, this makes us better.
The fourth Rule builds on the prior two: “A lesson is repeated until learned.” I remember learning my multiplication tables in the third grade. I was paired with a fourth grader, my mentor, and we competed against other teams in the school to see who would be the first in class to learn their multiplication tables all the way to 12 times 12.
Patrick, my training partner, grilled me relentlessly. He randomly asked me to perform math in my head, solidifying the answers to those questions in my mind. Each day, my recollection got faster, and I got more answers right. When the teacher administered the final quiz, I aced it.
Repetition is crucial for learning because it strengthens the neural connections in the brain, moving knowledge from conscious thought to deeper, more intuitive memory. Coach John Wooden said it well, “The importance of repetition until automaticity cannot be overstated. Repetition is the key to learning.”
If we don’t learn the lesson, life keeps bringing it back up. It presents the same challenge in different forms until we change our response and truly grasp the lesson.
Why don’t we learn the lesson the first time?
Sometimes, we resist it. We are creatures of habit. The status quo is comfortable. Learning happens when we step outside our comfort zone and into the opportunity zone. Our bodies subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) resist change, so we choose not to learn the lesson because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
When we stop resisting and embrace the lesson, we learn.
Other times, we fail to learn life’s lessons due to a lack of self-awareness. We don’t know what we don’t know. Sometimes, life’s lessons may attempt to stretch us beyond what we believe we are capable of saying, doing, or becoming. If we don’t believe we are capable of learning and applying the lesson, sometimes we overlook or ignore it.
Remember, life knows what we are capable of, even when we don’t. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but we’ve got to be aware that we need to move and take that first, uncomfortable step toward what’s next.
The last Rule I want to lean into is Rule #5, “Learning does not end.” There is always something more to learn. Once we think we have arrived and we know it all, learning stops. At this point, we’ve settled for less. Ray Kroc said it well, “As long as you’re green, you’re growing. Once you’re ripe, you start to rot.”
The School of Life remains in session, every single day of our lives, even if we choose to play hooky and skip class. Black Belt Leaders understand that when it comes to personal growth and professional development, there is no finish line. Learning never ends. From birth to death, life provides us with a continual opportunity to learn, grow, and improve.
Embracing lifelong learning leads to a richer, more grounded, and resilient life. It allows us to better adapt to change and reach our full potential. Even seemingly ordinary events and interactions can serve as teaching moments if we’re open and willing to learn.
Why is learning a lifelong process?
We live in a world of constant change. From technology to relationships, the world around us is constantly evolving and changing. Continuous learning allows us to keep pace with these changes. It helps us cope with the challenges that come with change. Learning helps us make better decisions and build the resilience we need to navigate life’s difficulties.
The Rules of Being Human stress the importance of embracing learning. This, in turn, does three things for us.
First, it empowers us to live a richer, more fulfilled life. As we actively seek knowledge and experience new things, we find life more engaging, rewarding, and fulfilling. Learning leads to improvement, allowing us to rise to our full potential and accomplish our purpose.
Secondly, it helps us avoid stagnation. Ray Kroc reminds us that when we stop learning, we stop growing. When we stay curious, we remain open to new ideas. This is how we keep learning, growing, maturing, and improving. It’s how we become a better version of who we are and what we do.
Lastly, embracing learning empowers us to take control of our lives. We live life on purpose, for a purpose. When we do this, we are intentional about seeing and seizing opportunities, rising to our full potential, and experiencing a life of significance.
I close with a brief look at Rule #8, “What you make of your life is up to you.”
I believe that every one of us has been put on this earth on purpose, for a purpose. I believe that each of us has been equipped by our Creator with all that we have need of to fulfill that purpose in the earth.
Dr. Cherie put it this way, “You have all the tools and resources you need. What you make of them is up to you. The choice is yours.”
You will be presented with lessons. There are no mistakes, only lessons. A lesson is repeated until learned. Learning does not end. What you make of your life is up to you.
These are the life lessons from “The Mother of Coaching.”
Thanks, Mom. Lessons learned.
