Back-Talk
How to challenge your negative thoughts and limiting beliefs.
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My parents made it known early on that rudeness, insolence, impudence, impertinence, or arrogance were not going to be permitted in their household. My mom called it “sass” but my dad simply referred to it as “back talk.”
Back talking is replying to someone in authority rudely or disrespectfully. The term is often applied to things a child might say to a parent (or another authority figure). Back talking can also be used to describe inappropriate remarks made by someone who is of a lower rank or status, such as in an employer/employee relationship or the military.
I always laughed at the response of the mom of one of my friends growing up. When he would start to argue, complain, or talk back to his mother, she would reply with a curt:
“Don’t you mouth me, boy!”
I laughed every time I heard her say that, and to this day when I think about back talking, I can still hear the commanding presence of her voice in my mind.
I grew up in a family of Faith. My parents taught me early on the value of respect, which is due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. The Golden Rule was not only taught, it was expected to be lived out, in our home, and there were consequences if we disrespected other members of our family, or anyone else.
In a civil society, back talk is something to be avoided. When we respond to someone in a rude or demeaning way, we are disrespecting who they are and the position they hold. Our brains interpret back talk as a threat, elevating our stress levels, increasing our irritability, and altering our decision-making. Rudeness often triggers a series of negative emotions, such as fear, anger, confusion, or outrage. In the process, we devalue the other person.
So, back talk is something we want to avoid, right?
Here’s where I want to shift the conversation.
I want you to become an expert in Back Talk.
But the Back Talk I’m referring to isn’t to be directed at other people. It is to be directed at yourself.
Herein is the leadership insight I want to zero in on today.
According to Healthbrains.org, our three-pound brains process roughly 70,000 thoughts each day. More than 100 billion neurons, interconnected by more than 500 trillion synapses, move these thoughts through your brain’s processing system at 300 miles per hour.
That’s a lot of thoughts.
Fortunately, our reticular activating system, embedded deep within our brain, filters many of these thoughts, prioritizing what is important and what is not. So, not all the thoughts we think actually rise to our conscious awareness. But, there’s a problem with this.
According to the National Science Foundation, around 80% of the thoughts we think, that are brought to our conscious awareness, are negative. What’s even more disturbing is that roughly 95% of our thoughts are repetitive.
We think the same negative thoughts, all day, every day.
This can manifest itself in a number of ways, perhaps the most common being self-doubt. Those repetitive thoughts trap us in a negative thought cycle, causing us to replay past failures, mistakes, and shortcomings. This can cause us to become pessimistic, believing ourselves to be failures, and unable to achieve real success in our lives.
This negative thinking can also manifest itself in perfectionism or imposter syndrome. We place unrealistic, unachievable expectations on ourselves and when we don’t achieve them, we reinforce feelings of inadequacy, lack, or pessimism.
Remember, as you think you become.
Tony Robbins says it well, “Where your focus goes, energy flows.” I agree. What you focus on expands. It amplifies those thoughts. What you focus your thoughts upon, you act upon.
More importantly, what you focus on you invite more of into your life.
As you think, you say, do, and become.
Negative thinking will never lead you to a positive life.
I believe this is one of the primary reasons most people fail to rise to their full potential. They don’t take control of their thought life, allowing negativity, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and failure to hold them back.
So, how do we deal with all this negativity that enslaves us and limits our potential?
Back Talk!
There are many things in life we cannot control, but the one thing we can control is our thought life. We get to choose what we focus our thoughts and attention upon, and what thoughts we will reject and ignore.
When negative thoughts come into your conscious awareness, talk back to them. Each of us has the power to take every thought captive and make it obey our will. We can choose to look for the positive in every situation, inside every thought, and in doing so start to reprogram our brains to think in a new, different, and more positive way.
Successful people are intentional about doing this. They choose to focus on thoughts of abundance, opportunity, expansion, and limitless possibility. They choose to see the proverbial glass as half-full rather than half-empty. Successful people choose to be grateful for what they have rather than fretting over what they don’t.
19th-century psychologist, Emile Coue, crafted the phrase, “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” He referred to this mantra as the Law of Concentrated Attention. This law states that when someone focuses on an idea repeatedly, it will eventually become a reality.
Coue prescribed this as “good medicine” before bedtime, encouraging his followers to recite this powerful affirmation twenty times, right before going to sleep. He believed these thoughts would, over time, train the subconscious mind to work diligently to bring this to pass.
Napoleon Hill, Wallace Waddles, and James Allen were early adopters of affirmations, or the concept of autosuggestion as it was known at the time. Pastors Robert Schuller and Joel Osteen are modern-day examples of highly successful individuals who have taught their followers to use affirmations to focus on the positive and actively pursue it.
Black Belt Leaders in Life use affirmations to reframe their thinking.
An affirmation is a declarative statement, mantra, or proposition that is stated as a Truth. Og Mandino, in his classic work, “The Greatest Salesman in the World” crafted a series of success mantras (affirmations) that millions of people have used to alter their thinking and achieve greater outcomes in life. Let me share a few excerpts with you:
“I am here for a purpose…”
“I will live this day as if it was my last…”
“Obstacles are necessary for success…”
“I will greet this day with love in my heart…”
“I will form good habits and become their slave…”
“I will persist until I succeed…”
Let me leave you with three action steps to help you learn to Back Talk your negative self.
1. Listen to your thoughts. Pay attention to what you’re thinking. All too often we allow our thoughts to simply flow through our minds unfiltered and uncontrolled. When you listen to the conversation you’re having with yourself, you can then change the conversation from the negative to the positive.
2. Challenge your limiting beliefs. We far too often live below our potential because we choose to believe we can’t. Chris Robinson speaks directly to this, “It’s not that you can’t, but that you won’t, and that choice is yours.” Just because you couldn’t do something then doesn’t mean you can’t do it now. Stop placing limits on yourself.
3. Start using affirmations. Perhaps you start with Emile Coues “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.” and you recite that twenty times each night before you go to bed. Perhaps instead you read “The Greatest Salesman in the World” and begin to quote Og Mandino’s success mantras over your life. If you’re a person of faith, perhaps you recite Lakewood Church’s affirmation they declare each Sunday:
“I am blessed, prosperous, redeemed, forgiven, talented, creative, confident, secure, disciplined, focused, prepared, qualified, motivated, valuable, free, determined, equipped, empowered, anointed, accepted, and approved. Not average, not mediocre, I am a child of the most high God. I will become all I was created to be. In Jesus’ name.”
Perhaps you write your own affirmation statement, declaring exactly the outcome you want for your own life, and begin retraining your brain to see that as a reality. The first principle of becoming a Black Belt Leader in Life is Belief:
You cannot achieve what you do not believe.
Affirmation statements can help you replace beliefs that aren’t serving you will with other beliefs that do. In the courses section of my website, beablackbeltleader.com, you’ll find a free resource, “The Power of Affirming Words.” Inside, you’ll find some examples of individuals throughout history who have used affirming words to overcome negativity and go on to achieve success in their lives.
Speak back to your negative thoughts. Talk back to your limiting beliefs. Challenge the status quo that’s holding you back. Tell those doubt-filled thoughts of failure and lack they are not welcome in your mind anymore and be intentional about replacing them with optimistic thoughts of opportunity and success.
Go ahead, Back Talk yourself.
Success awaits…