Living Your Best Life Ever

When others feel unwanted, unwelcomed, or unloved, we can help them live their best lives ever. Here's how you do this...

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Let me introduce you to Venom.

No, not the Venom from the Marvel series.  Venom is a 10-year-old black cat.  And no, she doesn’t shape-shift or eat people like the Venom on the Big Screen.  She doesn’t have any superpowers, nor is she from another planet seeking refuge on Terra Firma.

But Venom is not your ordinary cat either.  And that, as you may have guessed, leads me to this week’s leadership lesson.

Venom had spent the past 3-4 years living in a small enclosure in an animal shelter. This small space was her life. She had contracted Feline Immunodeficiency Virus (FIV), a highly infectious disease that attacks a cat’s immune system, compromising its ability to fight off even minor ailments.  

The disease starts with few symptoms other than reduced white blood cell levels or increased blood proteins. As the disease progresses, the immune system begins to fail and the cat may develop chronic or recurring symptoms such as urinary or upper respiratory tract infections. Weight loss often follows.

As the disease progresses, weight loss often follows, along with seizures, behavioral changes, and neurological disorders.  FIV-positive cats in the latter stages of the disease may struggle with balance, walking issues, and (in the case of Venom) hearing loss and her ability to speak.   She was essentially deaf and dumb.

Because FIV is transmitted mostly through cat bites, felines who are FIV-positive are often secluded from the general cat populace to avoid the spreading of the disease. There is no cure for FIV and life expectancies can range from a few months to up to 15 years if the disease doesn’t progress to the latter stages.

This is Venom’s world.

As a result, Venom was sequestered from the other cats in the shelter.  Her world consisted of a small cage enclosure, and an occasional opportunity to come out of the cage for a few moments to stretch, explore, and play.   For 3 or 4 years, she was essentially isolated, unwanted, and unloved.

When people visited the shelter, no one wanted to pet or play with Venom.  Her cage was marked with an FIV warning, and when she did get out on occasion, the disease had spread to her nervous system and she staggered and stumbled when she walked.  Plus, she was an older cat, and who would want to re-home a skinny, sick, old cat who couldn’t hear, couldn’t speak, staggered when she walked and wasn’t that energetic? 

After a few years, she even stopped hoping for a better life. This small enclosure would be her home until she died.

Enter, my daughter, Jessie.

Jessie learned about this shelter shortly after relocating to Missouri and stopped in for a visit.  Not only did it provide a safe place for animals to live until they were adopted, it provided a forum for local people who loved animals to stop by, visit, and spend time interacting and playing with them as well.

As she was introducing herself to the staff and talking about spending time interacting with the animals in the shelter, her eyes were drawn to this small, recluse little cat in a cage.  Jessie was told about Venom’s FIV diagnosis and she asked if she could interact with her.

The staff opened the enclosure door, carefully removed Venom from inside, and as Jessie took the cat in her arms, to the Shelter worker’s surprise, Venom reached up, put her paws around Jessie’s body, and began to purr loudly.   As they tried to put her back in her enclosure, Venom would not let go, clinging even more tightly to Jessie.

The cat who no one wanted, who had essentially given up on life, responded to a small gesture of kindness in a surprising way.  The shelter was so moved by this cat’s response to Jessie, they waived the adoption fees and allowed Jessie to take Venom to her new home.

I got a call later that day from Jessie, informing me she had adopted a cat, and told me the backstory I shared with you.  I wasn’t surprised that she had adopted a cat, but I was a bit surprised that she chose to adopt such an old cat, and one with an advanced form of FIV.

But then again, I really wasn’t. Jessie, like her dad, has a heart for animals.

She chose to name her cat Venom, because she was black all over, with a touch of white around her face – just like her favorite Marvel movie character.

I was in town the next day and stopped by to see Jessie and meet her new cat.  Venom was a tiny cat, only 5 pounds.  She wasn’t at all playful, and since Jessie had adopted her, Venom hadn’t eaten anything and had barely taken in any water.  I picked up the cat, placed her in my lap, and began to pet and massage her, trying to help her relax and adjust to her new surroundings.

My concern was that, after 3 or 4 years in an enclosure, Jessie had adopted a “failure to thrive” cat who had essentially given up on life, or the disease had progressed to a point she could go at any day.  Venom’s balance was unsteady and she staggered when she walked.

She couldn’t meow, but she could purr.  By the time I left, Venom had started purring when Jessie put her in her lap and you could see she was starting to relax.

As I drove home the next day, Jessie called to tell me that Venom had eaten a few morsels of cat food and was drinking water more consistently.   That same night, she hopped up in Jessie’s bed, curled up next to her, and made herself at home.

In the days that followed, Venom’s appetite returned, and she began to slowly explore her new surroundings. To Jessie’s surprise, Venom’s balance improved, her gait became more steady as she walked, and she started jumping up on the furniture.  

Her favorite spot became Jessie’s office chair. When Jessie was working in her home office, Venom hopped up and sat right beside her, and occasionally made her way onto the desk to see what Jessie was working on.  Jessie opened the sliding door to her deck, allowing Venom to explore the outside world while still in a safe, secure environment.

Venom went from being unwanted and unloved to living her best life ever.

There’s a leadership lesson here if you haven’t already figured it out.

Life is full of people, like Venom, who feel unwanted and unloved.  People can be hateful and cruel, leaving others feeling hopeless, unwanted, unloved, and with no purpose or direction in their lives.  We live in a “throw-away” society today that discards people for some of the most trivial, selfish, or immature reasons.

24.1 million children in the United States will go to sleep without a dad in their home.  Many of these kids feel abandoned and neglected. They often blame themselves for the fact that Dad is not involved in their lives.  This leads to low self-esteem and drives many of these children to drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, or destructive behaviors to dull the pain and abandonment they feel.

Social media has become a cesspool of anger and hatred, as well as providing a forum for the needless bullying and humiliation of others. It’s one of the reasons we see depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicide on the rise.

Deviant behaviors are amplified and encouraged online, leaving impressionable youth and young adults to act out in a crazed effort to gain attention and seek a sense of belonging. People who feel unwanted or unloved will often do anything to belong, even if the group they seek to impress is promoting a destructive lifestyle or an ideology that isn’t based in reality.

Others, like Venom, will simply withdraw into isolation, shutting themselves off from the rest of the world.  Social isolation has its own problems.  People who are chronically lonely have a 25% increased risk for significant health issues, and not just mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or suicide. Social isolation significantly increases the propensity for heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and dementia.

So, how do we help others live their best life possible? 

As Claire Boothe Luce puts it, “There are NO hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them.”

We, as leaders, have to, as Napoleon Bonaparte aptly put it, be “Dealers in Hope.”

Jessie saw something in Venom, an opportunity to give a cat who had been rejected by society, an opportunity to experience her best life ever. You and I, as Black Belt Leaders, can do the very same.  We simply have to be willing to be inconvenienced.

There are people all around us, stuck in enclosures of isolation of their own making, who are waiting for someone like you to see something in them they don’t yet see in themselves.  

One of the lessons Jessie has heard from her mentor, Dr. John Maxwell, is simple.

“People are valuable; therefore, value people.”

When we see people as valuable, we treat them as valuable and we look for ways to add value to them.  Jessie did this with Venom. She saw a cat that was rejected, unwanted, and unloved, and saw an opportunity to give her a chance at life no one else was willing to do.

You and I can do that when we see an opportunity to do good, and we act on it.  

Maybe it is volunteering in your local school district so fatherless children can have a positive Father-Figure role model in their lives. Perhaps it is giving someone who is disabled an opportunity to join your workforce and find a way they can contribute meaningfully to the organization. Maybe it is volunteering with the Salvation Army, a local homeless shelter, or a local foodbank to offer to mentor those who are going through a rough time and need someone to help them see the value they don’t yet see in themselves.

And, for the record, it may not be something you have to commit to for the rest of your life.

Sadly, on Sunday, May 26 at 8:02 pm, Venom departed this earth after eight months of living in Jessie’s home.  As I look back over the pictures and videos Jessie shared with us, I can tell you that Venom lived her best life ever in the short time she was in Jessie’s home.  She left this earth knowing she was wanted, cared for, loved, and accepted.

There are people all around us wanting to feel the same way.  They are waiting for someone like you or me to reach out to them, valuing them for who they are and helping them see who they can truly become.

So, here’s my challenge to you:

Look for these people. Be intentional about it. When you see them, reach out to them. Encourage them. Mentor them. Empower them to rise to their full potential, and celebrate what happens as they begin to live their best life ever.

Be willing to be inconvenienced for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, or a few months to help someone feel valued, appreciated, and accepted.

Remember what Claire Boothe Luce said:

“There are NO hopeless situations; there are only people who have grown hopeless about them”

And don’t forget Dr. John Maxwell’s admonition:

“People are valuable; therefore, value people.”

It’s one of the most rewarding things you can do, as a leader.

It’s why I do what I do each and every week, because I value you.