Responding to Failure

Failure, according to Einstein, is success in progress. How we respond to failure determines how successful we will be in the future.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY, YOUTUBE, or RUMBLE

Failure.

We all experience it.  Some more than others.

It is defined as the lack of success or the inability to achieve a goal, objective, or expectation.

Simply put, it is aiming at a target and missing the mark.

Life happens, and sometimes it doesn’t play out in our favor.  We don’t get the job. We don’t get the promotion. The business we opened up had to close its doors.   We tried out for the team but didn’t make the cut. Our best client left us for the competition.

Welcome to life, with all its twists, turns, potholes, detours, and roadblocks.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we don’t.

But, we are not alone in experiencing failure.

Even the most successful people throughout history have all experienced more than their fair share of failure.

·         Thomas Edison failed, by some accounts, ten thousand times before he succeeded in creating the incandescent light bulb.   

·         Henry Ford’s first two automobile companies failed miserably before he created the Model T and founded the company that today continues to bear his name.

·         Michael Jordan was cut from the high school varsity team during his sophomore year before becoming one of the greatest to ever play the game of basketball.

·         Steven Jobs was fired from the company he founded, only to found NeXT and Pixar before being wooed back to Apple twelve years later.

·         New York Times Best-Selling Author, John Grisham’s first book, “A Time to Kill” was rejected by publishers 28 times.

We all get knocked to our knees or onto the canvas at some point in our lives. The question we all have to answer is whether or not we will get up or stay there and get counted out.

In my book, “Black Belt Secrets of Success”, I share 11 success principles that some of the most successful people throughout history have embraced on their journey from failure to triumph.  One of the success principles I share in the book is this:

If you can’t stomach failure, you will never really know success.

Here’s a newsflash…

You’ve been failing since you were born.

Think about it.  Did you come out of the womb and immediately sit up and start crawling? Did you immediately stand up, start walking, start talking, dress yourself, feed yourself, tie your own shoes, and drive yourself to work?  Of course not. You had to learn how to do all these things, and you failed miserably the first few times you tried to do it.

Albert Einstein famously said, “Failure is success in progress.”

I’ve helped raise six amazing children, each unique in his or her own way. But not a single one of them made it to where they are today without going through a process of trial and error, experiencing more than their fair share of failure along the way.  Each failure brought with it a lesson that, if learned, helped each of my children to learn, grow, mature, and become a better version of who they are.

My youngest son, Joshua, was named the “Outstanding Youth Martial Artist of the Year” in 2010 by the United States Martial Arts Hall of Fame.  But the first time he put on a Gi and started training in martial arts, he had to learn the basics.  Stances, punches, blocks, and kicks were all continually corrected by his instructors.

It was through failure, learning what didn’t work, that he discovered (and honed) what did work. His instructors were relentless, praising his successes and admonishing his failures.  

They constantly reminded him that failure and success are momentary.  Each teaches us a lesson that, if learned, would help him in his relentless quest for martial arts excellence, in competition, and in life.  

Lessons unlearned, especially from failure, are doomed to be repeated.

The Yin-Yang is a Chinese concept describing two opposite but complementary forces.  It serves as a reminder that in life, some things cannot exist without the other.  No light without darkness. No strength without weakness. No heat without cold. No success without failure.  Each opposite defines its counterpart as the antithesis of the other.

Yet within each opposing force, there is an element of the other opposite, but complementary force.

Now think about this.

In our failure, there is an element of success. Had we done something differently, the outcome could have changed in our favor.  In our success, there exists an element of failure. Had we not done things a certain way, the outcome may have been much different.

The challenge for each of us is to see and seek the element of success in our failure, and to be aware of the element of failure lurking in the middle of our success that wants to trip us up, drop us to our knees, or knock us out on the mat.

So, how do we respond to failure?

I believe there are Four R’s that allow us to learn the lesson that failure, and even success, is trying to teach us so we can identify it, embrace it, and implement it so we keep improving.

1.      Reflect

2.      Renew

3.      Recommit

4.      Re-engage

First, we reflect.  We identify what happened, and more importantly, why it occurred.   Until we understand what went wrong (or right), we don’t know what we need to do differently to create a different (and hopefully better) outcome. Until we know the underlying why, we don’t know if this was self-inflicted, or something else was the cause.

Secondly, we renew. Having identified what happened and why it happened, we now have the information available to us to find a way forward. We know if we do the same thing the same way, we’re going to get the same outcome.  With new information available to us, we can evaluate new ways of attempting something in a way that creates that new, better outcome we desire.

Thirdly, we recommit. Sometimes after failure, we are a bit hesitant to try again. Sometimes after success, we question whether or not we can pull it off again. Knowing what didn’t work and why and identifying a new way forward can serve as a catalyst to get back on our feet and make the right choice to try once more.

The fourth and final step in the process is to re-engage.  This is when you wipe off your gloves, get back in the fight for success, and go another round.  

Let me share with you a story that illustrates this perfectly.

I was recently at an MMA event in Northwest Arkansas and watched as two young men were banging away in the cage. One young man had the advantage, having rocked the other fighter several times during the round.  One standing eight-count had already been administered.

As the round continued, the other young man was definitely in trouble, and he knew it. In between the rounds, the fighter and his coach had to make a difficult decision. Do we fight another round, or do we give up?  It was time to reflect, renew, recommit, and re-engage.

The young man came out of his corner at the bell, re-engaging with his opponent. About a minute into the round, he threw a spinning back-kick, striking his opponent squarely in the jaw.  Like a tree having been felled by an axe, the young man who had been winning the bout stiffened and fell onto the floor unconscious. 

The referee waived off the bout and the young man, who had been losing the bout, raised his hands in victory.

So, let me bring this one home.

If you want to be successful in life, you’re going to experience some failure along the way. Einstein said it well. Failure is success in progress.  Each day, you’re going to learn some things that work.  Improve in those areas.  Each day, you’re going to experience some failure.

Failure, like success, is a moment in time.

If I run a one-hundred-yard dash and I’m the first one to cross the finish line, I’m successful today. But tomorrow, if I want to be successful, I’ve got to go run another one-hundred-yard dash.  The same is true if I run the race and don’t finish first.  I didn’t win today, but that doesn’t mean I can’t go run again tomorrow and compete for the prize.

Failure only defines you when you quit trying.  Failure only defines you when you get rocked, take a knee, and fail to stand back up before the referee’s 10-count. Failure only defines you when you get knocked to the canvas and choose not to get up and get back in the fight.

With each failure, and with each success, respond using the Four R’s. Reflect on what happened, and why. Renew and find the way forward. Recommit to make the right choice. Re-engage by getting back in the game.

The only way to win, to be successful, is to compete in the Game of Life.

The only way to keep winning, to continue to be successful, is to keep competing in the Game of Life at an ever higher level of competition.

Failure only defines you if you quit.

Og Mandino, in his classic work, “The Greatest Salesman in the World”,  said it well,

“I will persist until I succeed.” 

Successful people respond to failure by persisting until they succeed.

They practice the 4-Rs so they don’t mindlessly repeat the same failed strategies and tactics.

And don’t forget…

Successful people do daily what unsuccessful people do sometimes, or not at all.

Successful people understand that failure is success in progress…and they intentionally choose to keep progressing.

Reflect, renew, recommit, and re-engage.

Success awaits…keep persisting until you succeed.