People do what people see.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard Dr. John Maxwell make this statement. But it's true. We speak with our words, but also with our actions. And when there is a disconnect between our saying and our doing, doing trumps saying in the eyes of those you're leading.
Ouch!
Yet somehow we believe that if we simply tell our children, our employees, or teammates, or those we're leading to "do as I say and not as I do." It just doesn't work.
There's something in the human psyche that wants to mirror the behaviors we see in others we want to be like. It's a form of visual imprinting that programs our brains to engrain certain habits based on what we've seen others repeatedly do. Especially so if that person is an authority figure or influencer in our lives.
One of my martial arts instructors for a season was notoriously late in arriving for class. It was not uncommon for our 7:00 PM class to start at 7:10, 7:15, or even 7:20. Never an apology, or an explanation. He just arrived when it was convenient for him and was often unprepared to teach.
But the expectation was, based on what he SAID, that all students were to be in place, stretched, warmed up, and ready to go at 7:00 PM so the class could start on time.
Over a period of weeks and months, his students began to also show up late. This pushed the start time for the class back even further. And then the students simply stopped coming. They joined one of the other martial arts schools in the area, and the instructor was stunned they would leave his school to train with a competitor.
His saying and his doing were incongruent, and as a result, productivity (and profitability) suffered. The school eventually closed, with the instructor in disbelief that his repeated tardiness was one of the major factors that lead to his failure.
People do what people see.
Mahatma Gandhi was approached by a mother with a child in tow, who had been patiently standing in line for hours. When Gandhi asked her what he could do, she explained that her son was a good boy, but would lie, cheat, or steal to get his hands on sweets. She asked Gandhi if he would speak words of wisdom directly to this young lad so he would stop eating sweets. Gandhi asked her to come back in a week.
Frustrated, the mother left and returned a week later, again waiting hours in line to have a moment with the Wise Sage. When she approached and again expressed her frustration with her son and begged Gandhi to help her. He motioned for the young boy to step forward, placed his hands on the boy's shoulders, and spoke softly to him, "Young man, stop eating sweets."
The mother, hoping for something more, asked Gandhi why he made her wait a week to speak these simple words to her son. His response spoke to the leader that he was. "A week ago, I was still eating sweets. I could not ask this young man to do something I was not willing to do myself."
There's a powerful truth here. If you want to be an effective, respected leader, your saying and your doing must be congruent.
Think of your role as a leader as being an actor on a stage. Those you are leading are sitting in the audience. Your family, team members, coworkers, employees, or volunteers. They may not remember what you said, but they will observe what you do.
Remember, our minds see in pictures. What we see is imprinted in our thinking and if these behaviors are repeated, they seep into our subconscious where they are internalized. We accept this as approved behavior, and we model it in our own lives.
A leader's doing becomes the standard of acceptable conduct that others use to govern (and justify) how those they are leading also live their lives.
If you're a leader who demands your followers meet deadlines and be on time and you're not holding yourself to the same standard, you're frustrating those you're leading and imposing added stress on your home, workplace, or organization. At some point, people will either stop striving and start settling. Those who are driven and want to be part of something bigger than themselves will move on.
This will negatively impact productivity, and ultimately success.
You'll find yourself alone. A leader without followers.
And to borrow another pithy quote from Poppa John, "If you think you're leading, and no one is following, you're only taking a walk."
People are watching your lead. Your actions speak louder than your words. Pay attention to what you say, and then weigh this against what you do. If they are not in alignment, you're not genuinely leading.
Don't let that person be you.
But, when your saying and doing are congruent, and in line with your values and the culture you want those you're following to also live out, your future success is limitless.
So, choose your saying AND your doing well.
Your future success as a leader depends on it.