The Commonplace Conundrum

Goldfish can spend their days in safety & leisure, without fear of being eaten, but only to the edge of the glass.

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If given the choice, most of us would choose what's familiar over what's not.

Ask a goldfish.

They prefer the comfort and safety of the aquarium to living in open water where they are prey. They are fed daily, water is filtered of contaminants, and they can swim to their heart's content.

Goldfish can spend their days in leisure, enjoying the decorations, and exploring their world in the open, without fear of being eaten by a predator

But only to the edge of the aquarium.

While it's safe and familiar it's also confining. The goldfish can see what's beyond the edges of the aquarium, but they can never go beyond the boundaries of the glass.

It's safe, but it's also a prison.

Commonplace, by definition, is that which is ordinary or not unusual. Familiar, by definition, is that which is well known from long or close association.

Even though it is confining, restrictive, and a prison of sorts, most of us, if given the choice, would choose what's familiar over what's not.

That's the conundrum of the commonplace.

From the moment we wake up in the morning, we find ourselves in an aquarium of our own making. Sadly, it's limiting our impact, influence, and potential.

We are all creatures of habit, mindlessly doing the same things over and over again, wondering why nothing changes in our lives. Here's a Truth, a Universal Law, you need to understand...

When you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten. If you do the same thing, the same way, again and again, you only get more of the same. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

While that might work well in the manufacturing world, where exact repetition and duplication are essential to success, it doesn't work well in our quest to learn, grow, mature, and become a better version of ourselves.

Think about your typical day for a moment.

When you awake in the morning, what does your morning routine look like? While the answer is different for each person, the odds are good that you essentially do the same things in the same way, with little or no deviance or variation. And, you likely do it with little or no conscious thought.

How about your morning commute to work, school, or to your home office? What does that look like? Chances are, it's also a mindless routine. You may have driven past the same branch bank for years, not realizing it's changed brands multiple times as "commonplace" makes you oblivious to what's happening around you.

Studies have shown that we spend up to 95% of our day mindlessly living life by default. I've previously referred to this as living life on autopilot. Again, routines can be valuable, but when our entire life is relegated to a routine, we imprison ourselves in a world of mediocrity, relegated only to the familiar, the commonplace.

That's NOT living up to your Black Belt Potential.

Psychology Today defines habit formation as the process by which behaviors become automatic. Behavioral research firms, like Real Life Management, have found that people form habits, often without intending to do so. But as the brain gets familiar with a routine, it seeks to automate that process so it can be replicated over and over without significant thought.

Have you noticed, anytime you're trying to learn something new, that you can only take in so much new information before you feel tired? The brain can only process so much new information at one time as it is also managing all the autonomic processes that keep our amazing bodies operational.

The brain wants to internalize processes, habitual patterns of behavior, and make them automatic responses, so it can preserve essential brain power for when it is needed most. The basal ganglia, buried deep in the forebrain. not only controls our voluntary movements, but it also plays a critical role in how our brain forms habits. It relegates these processes to rote memory, requiring little conscious thought to perform.

So, our brain can actually be working to imprison us in an aquarium of our own making as it seeks to automate as much of our day as it can. If we're not careful, we can allow our brain to halt our progress forward and we settle for less.

It's that simple, but profound, process of thinking and becoming.

As you think, you become. Once you stop thinking, you stop becoming.

Habits, commonplace routines, happen with little (if any) conscious thought. You don't think about how to use a spoon, open a door, drive a car, or walk, talk, sit, or stand. These routines have become rote processes within your brain and you carry them out, mindlessly, throughout the day.

Remember, the brain CRAVES the familiar, and what it craves, it rewards.

If we experience a "feel good" outcome through a choice or action we've made, our brain secretes a cocktail of chemicals, including dopamine, that essentially says, "This was great. Let's do it again."

So, we repeat the process, we get the chemical reward, and our brain starts to hardwire this behavior into our psyche. The brain responds by prioritizing this process, creating a neural shortcut to this behavior, and it starts the process of habit formation and automation.

And the brain goes one step further to keep habits ingrained. Deep within the center of our brain, near the brainstem, sits the reticular activating system. This network of neurons regulates and reinforces behavior, and filters what information is shared with the conscious brain and what is not.

So, once the brain forms a habit, a behavioral routine embedded in the basal ganglia, the reticular activating system filters out any information that might disrupt, challenge, or question an established routine so a habitual process can continue to operate as programmed.

It imprisons us in an aquarium of our own making, reinforcing the status quo.

Once we are imprisoned in our own goldfish bowl, we quickly learn our boundaries, and we settle into a life of existing, but not really living.

Perhaps this is why roughly 95-99% of people live mediocre, average, lackluster lives. They wonder WHY they aren't experiencing a greater level of success, satisfaction, and fulfillment, but they don't realize they've erected invisible boundaries that prevent that from happening.

They can see where they want to go, and who they want to become, but they have relegated their lives to the familiar, the commonplace, and they're stuck where they are, as they are, living life by default.

So, how do we overcome the Commonplace Conundrum?

Let me share three steps to get you started.

First, you've first got to acknowledge you're in an aquarium of our own making. Until you come to grips with the fact that you're stuck, where you are, and as you are, you remain oblivious to the potential for greatness within you and the endless opportunities for expansion around you.

You've got to have that "man in the mirror" or "woman in the mirror" moment with yourself and realize that you're existing, but not really living up to your full potential. You've got to acknowledge the limited thinking, the limiting beliefs, that you've embraced and lived out that have built the walls of your glass prison that has sequestered you from experiencing more real-life success.

It's like the person who is overweight and constantly complaining about backaches, sore joints, and a lack of energy but refuses to do anything about it. It is easier to do what you've always done than to do what is required to bring about a better, healthier outcome for yourself and those you love.

But, until you acknowledge that a problem exists, you can't fix the problem. Until you recognize that habitual patterns of behavior are the cause of the consequences in life you're experiencing, that you don't like, can you start the process of altering or replacing these habits altogether.

You can deny your house is on fire, and watch it burn to the ground, or you can admit it's burning and do something about it.

You've got to acknowledge you're in the Commonplace Conundrum.

It’s comfortable, but you’re trapped.

Next, successful people do daily what unsuccessful people do sometimes, or not at all. They realize, as Dr. John Maxwell so vividly describes it, that everything worthwhile is uphill. Commonplace is, at best, a level plain, but it's often a downhill slope that leads to nowhere.

Black Belt Leaders in Life understand a Black Belt doesn't signify that you've arrived and you know it all. They understand the Black Belt is only a recognition that you're a committed student, dedicated to a lifetime of learning, growing, improving, and becoming better.

They understand that this only happens when you venture into the unfamiliar, the uncomfortable, the uncertain. It is there that growth happens, where we learn to do new things and discover that we are capable of saying, doing, and becoming more.

Here's an interesting observation about habits.

We often form habits without intending to do so. We learn habits from our parents in our early, formative years. We learn them from our classmates, our teachers, our employers, as well as from our friends, family, and coworkers. So, many of the habits we have engrained are not of our own making.

And that in itself can be a self-imposed prison.

Les Brown says that we become the sum total of the five people we spend the most time with. Their habits, their mannerisms, and their beliefs become our own. If we spend our time with unsuccessful people, we pick up and engrain unsuccessful habits in our own lives.

An aquarium of our own making, limiting our far we can go.

Samuel Smiles, a 19th-century self-help author said, “Sow a thought, and you reap an act; Sow an act, and you reap a habit; Sow a habit, and you reap a character; Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.”

Author Sean Covey echoed those comments when he said, “We become what we repeatedly do.” Our habits define who we are and what we do.

Third, if habits are formed through repetition, we can form new habits (or eliminate old habits) through the same intentional process. By making a different choice, challenging our own status quo existence, we can begin the process of reshaping who we are and what we do.

It's a slow and meticulous process, but it can be done. Here's an example.

In 2018, 55 million Americans quit smoking. It required they replace a habitual pattern of behavior that wasn't serving them well with another habitual pattern of behavior that would. It meant venturing into the uncomfortable, the unfamiliar, and the uncertain to find another way.

But, they did it. And so can you!

When it comes to behavior modification (aka habit formation), Real Life Management teaches the A.L.T.E.R. Methodology:

Acknowledging Your Goal (What is your desired outcome?)

Learning New Information (What is required?)

Tactical Planning (What are the steps in the process?)

Execution (Walking the walk and not just talking the talk)

Reflection (How am I doing? What's next?)

Personally, I like this approach as it's an incremental process to help you reprogram your thinking, because as you think you become. If your thoughts shape your beliefs, and your beliefs shape your choices, when you ALTER your thinking, you also alter your beliefs, your choices, and ultimately your outcomes.

Let me leave you with a closing thought.

In traditional martial arts, there are 10 degrees of Black Belt, with years of training between each promotional rank. From 1st Dan to 2nd Dan is a two-year training process. From 2nd Dan to 3rd is a three-year training process, and so forth. That's 54 years to 10th Dan, at a minimum.

At any point along the way, a Black Belt can say, "I'm done" and advance no further. An aquarium of his or her own making, limiting their ability to learn, grow, mature, have more influence, and make an even greater impact in the lives of others.

As a Black Belt Leader in Life, you have the same opportunity…and the same choice. You can choose to settle for the comfortable, the familiar, and stay where you are, as you are, in the Conundrum of the Commonplace, or you can choose a different path.

One imprisons you in an aquarium of your own making. The other frees you to explore the endless oceans of opportunity.

Black Belt Leaders choose the latter.