The DIY Dilemma
We forget that we are who we are because of the countless people who have helped to mold and make us.
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One of my friends recently shared a humorous, true story that serves as the perfect setup for this week’s leadership lesson.
He was visiting a body shop owner in rural Northwest Arkansas while on vacation trout fishing. The body shop owner often served as a local tour guide on the weekends to select clientele, as he knew some of the best places on the river to catch your limit of trout. My friend speaks highly of this man’s canny ability when on the water.
While discussing the upcoming weekend’s fishing plans, an eccentric older man barged into the body shop holding his jaw. When asked what he needed, the old man replied, “The dentist wanted too much money to pull out my tooth. I can’t do it myself. You’re going to pull it for me.”
Now it wasn’t that this eccentric old man couldn’t afford to pay the dentist. You wouldn’t know it by looking at him but he is one of the wealthiest men in the County. But, he’s also a cantankerous, demanding, penny-pinching miser. Despite the unsanitary conditions of the body shop, this eccentric old miser was insistent that his tooth was coming out right now, and this is where it would happen.
After much arguing and debating, the shop owner relented. The old man wasn’t leaving until his tooth was pulled and he was making such a ruckus no one could get any work done. So, to my friend’s surprise, the shop owner went to his workbench, grabbed a pair of pliers, sat the old man in a chair in the corner of the shop, covered him with a plastic drop cloth, and went to work.
The old man opened his mouth wide and pointed out the bad tooth. The shop owner put a knee in the man’s chest, reached into the man’s mouth, squeezed the pliers around the tooth, and started yanking and pulling. After a few moments of struggle, the shop owner fell backward, pliers still holding the tooth, as blood gushed from the man’s mouth, down the plastic drip cloth, and onto the floor of the body shop.
Everyone held their breath to see what would happen next. For a few moments, the eccentric old man sat motionless in the chair, head still leaning back. Then, to everyone’s shock and amazement, the old man sat up, removed the plastic drip cloth from around his neck, and stood to his feet. He thanked the shop owner for his time, walked out of the shop, got in his truck, and drove away spitting blood out the window as he turned onto the highway.
This eccentric, old miser faced a DIY Dilemma, and he found a way to solve it.
But to solve it, he needed help. He couldn’t do it on his own.
We all face obstacles, struggles, and challenges as we go through life. Many of these we can work through on our own. Others we can’t. There are times when we have to swallow our pride, push past our ego, and seek the help of other people.
This is the DIY Dilemma.
Sometimes we can fix ourselves.
Sometimes we can’t.
Sometimes you can’t fix yourself by yourself.
Sometimes, you need a helping hand.
This is the DIY Dilemma.
Think about the person you are right now. How did you get to this point in your life? Did you do it all by yourself? Of course not. There were a lot of things you learned to do. Some were self-taught but other skills, talents, thoughts, and ideas you developed were the result of someone else contributing in some way to your life.
There’s a lesson here each of us must learn, and the sooner we learn it, the better.
There is no such thing as a Self-Made Man (or Woman).
So, why do we try so desperately to do it all ourselves? Why don’t we ask for help sooner or more often? Why do we continue to stumble and fall on our own, trying to do it all on our own, rather than seeking the guidance and wisdom of others who can help us succeed?
We let our pride and ego get in the way.
An ancient proverb says, “Pride comes before a fall.” There’s a lot of truth in that. When we think too highly of ourselves, we forget that we are who we are because of the countless number of people who have helped to mold and make us.
We tend to value the things we’ve done for ourselves more than the things others have done for us. Yet, if we’re honest with ourselves, the things that others have done to mold and make us far outweigh the things we have accomplished on our own.
Two individuals come to mind who failed when they faced their own DIY Dilemma.
Alexander Hamilton should have been one of our country’s greatest national heroes. He was a Revolutionary War hero and went on to become George Washington’s chief of staff. Hamilton was the first Secretary of the Treasury and a co-author of The Federalist Papers. He designed the nation’s banking and tax system.
Hamilton’s problem? He believed he was a self-made man. His pride and ego caused him to think more highly of himself and his accomplishments than those around him. He alienated those around him, believing he could do it all alone.
This was his DIY Dilemma.
Because he lacked humility and possessed an overinflated belief in himself, he was unwilling to overlook even the slightest insult or derogatory comment. When Aaron Burr demanded an apology for comments made by Harrison, he refused.
The result? A duel, where Hamilton was mortally wounded.
General George Custer was a flamboyant and ambitious officer in the U.S. Army. His military exploits were legendary, leading Custer to have a highly inflated opinion of his military prowess. He believed he knew better than those around him, and refused to listen to other experienced scouts and fellow officers.
This was his DIY Dilemma.
Custer wanted to be “The Man” and forgot to learn the lesson, there is no self-made man. As a result, he rejected the warnings of experienced men he had previously relied on to achieve success in battle. Custer’s overconfidence, fueled by pride and ego, led not only to his humiliation on the battlefield but his death and the death of his entire battalion.
So, what can we learn from Hamilton and Custer?
Both of these men stopped in the process of transformation, believing they had become the “End All Be All” and that their personal growth journey was complete. Their inflated pride and ego caused them to forget that we, all of us, remain under construction.
We have become who we are because of the people who helped us when we were unwilling or unable to help ourselves.
There are a lot of things we can do, but there are just as many things we can’t do.
We need other people who can do what we’re not best at doing. And we definitely need other people who can do what we don’t know how to do, or prefer not to do. We need other people who are further along the same road we’re traveling to share the lessons they’ve learned so we can glean insights from their successes and their failures.
It’s a fact of nature that a seed only grows in the right environment. It can’t do it on its own. It requires the right soil, the right nutrients, and the right amount of light and moisture.
The same is true of us.
We need other people. There is no self-made man (or woman).
Let me share a practical example of what I mean as we wrap up this week’s lesson.
Who doesn’t want to lose a few pounds? Most of us.
There are some things we can do on our own. We can cut calories. We can exercise. We can get more rest, drink more water, and eat less junk food. Those things we can do ourselves.
But what about changing our habits? Our beliefs? Our behaviors?
Sometimes we can do that on our own. Other times, we need a book, an App, a Course, a Program, a Coach, or an accountability partner. Now we’re relying on others to help us get to where we can’t get to on our own.
But if we’re unwilling to ask for help, to seek the guidance and wisdom of those who are more gifted in this area than we are, we end up talking the talk but not really walking the walk.
This is the DIY Dilemma.
When you’re in a maze, you see where you are but not where you’re going. It’s trial and error until you, hopefully, find your way to the exit. But when someone has already successfully navigated the maze many times (or is strategically positioned to see the entire maze), that person can render aid and assistance to help you get to where you need to go.
When you’re in the DIY Dilemma, you have a choice.
You can keep trying to do it all by yourself or you can let go of your stubborn pride and ego and accept the help of those who have wisdom, guidance, or insight you don’t and learn from their experience.
Don’t be like Hamilton and Custer. It didn’t end well for them, and it might not end well for you either. Maybe it’s not a duel to the death, but it could cost you a relationship, a career, or something equally valuable.
Sometimes we need an expert. Sometimes we need a guide. Sometimes we need a coach or a mentor. Sometimes, we just need a friend.
So, if you find yourself in a DIY Dilemma, do these three things.
1. Admit it.
2. Own it.
3. Fix it.
One and two are somewhat easy. You already know it, so admit this is one of those things you know you can’t do by yourself and own that fact.
The third step is a bit harder. It requires that you seek the guidance, wisdom, and advice of others. This is going to require that you get your stubborn pride and ego out of the way. It requires that you open yourself up to another individual who may tell you what you don’t want to hear, show you what you don’t want to see, or teach you to do what you don’t want to learn to do so you can become a better version of yourself than you are right now.
This is how you overcome the DIY Dilemma.